With the necessary sense of loss over being laid off, we find ourselves in sinking sands. We took our situation for granted, found comfort in its regularity, and now that we are down and out, we might lack the skills to confidently face the challenge before us, that of finding a new job. Perhaps you wear your friends out with the request for assurance, hearing their advice but not taking it; perhaps you pull away from your friends and keep your feelings to yourself. Either way, the best advice is that which we already know, and recognize as deep: life is a struggle, and we do best to keep on fighting.

Worry, after all, accomplishes little, and worrying about worry even less: how to control this? How to prepare the mind for sunny assurance? Acting is becoming. Act assured. Smile at yourself in the mirror, and affirm those words which seem at times unbelievable: I am a center of power, I am responsible for my own happiness, my destiny relies on my choices and effort.

The heart’s climate is as incorrigible and unpredictable as the weather. Moving against it wastes energy. Moving with it gives amplitude. So move with your anger and sadness, express it, get it out and let it run its course. You don’t need anybody to tell you that it’s okay to feel miserable. You don’t need anybody to tell you it will be alright. You already know it really, and all it takes is finding the inner voice to remind yourself.

After all, men and women have survived far worse things — shocking, dramatic, traumatic, extreme — and found the resources to rebound, the elasticity to bounce back. Such resilience of mind is your birthright, you have it too, and what matters is saying the words to yourself, the words you might at first scoff at, but the words that as they are repeated sink in and have effect.

Sunny self-assurance would be nice, after all. We admire and perhaps envy those who never seem to weather the sorts of self-doubt and depression we feel. Perhaps they feel it too? Envy is ignorance. What matters is you present your best and keep shining when you are in the world, keep active, keep acting. The self doubts, the worry, the fears are natural, and you can’t wish them away. But you can cease to feed them. They feed on your care, your concern for them, your fear of them, your resistance. Acknowledge that you feel this way, remind yourself that it is human and common to the lot of us. And then, mind your business, the things you need to actually do to move on.

Having gained such composure that we can be our own cheerleader, our own coach, our own guide in the struggle for security and happiness, we need not rely on those others who might not know how to help us, and who often disappoint us for failing to give us what we need the most: self assurance. Such self-assurance comes from stepping forward, at whatever cost, and moving in the direction of your future career, your success. The rest is just distractions.

 

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