Predominantly, this is an e-book that talks about the intricacies and clarities on various attributes of management, and enables all those who aspire to be future managers, or want to embark on the pursuit to be leaders in organizations they work in. Largely, this e-book elucidates on several areas of management; developing competitive strengths, and attain a leadership edge. It also talks about the pervasive intelligence quotient as a key requirement for managerial functioning. It’s a quintessential guide that tells about a perfect boss that determines core areas of disseminations, leadership ideas and values amongst people in the organization. In a nutshell, it glimpses through the facets of organizational structure, hierarchies, competition, authority, professional combats, acts of terminations, meetings culture, decision making exercises, mumbles and murmurs, success secrets to reach higher echelons, communication, work assignments, reviews, realms of consultants and so on.

Management: The Other Side

Table of Contents

Before the beginning

In the beginning

My boss is an idiot

Manager? How did that happen??

How many vice Presidents do we need?

Education vs. intelligence

Battlefield commands made by non- combatants

Authority

Workload balance

If it ain’t broke, why are we fixing it?

Termination…treated like a convict

Meetings

Decision making

Would you be interested in any input from the grunts?

Ladder to success

Communication

Work assignments

Personnel reviews

I have a college degree, therefore

Micro management

The world of consultants

Mission/Vision statement

Re-inventing the wheel

Mid-management

Management can’t be wrong

Operating on Auto-Pilot

Personal traits

Promises. Promises. Promises

Replaced with part-timers

I don’t wanna be a manager

Don’t you have anything else to do?

I also am a human being

Give me the tools to do the job

What a waste of time

And in closing

About the Author

Before the beginning…..

I would like to define one special term here that is used throughout my book and that is the term “Grunt”, which is taken from my military experience (USMC). My definition of Grunt is: an employee who works at the bottom level or one who is directly involved in producing the product. In my military experience we daily talked about the 10% that didn’t get the word. The 10% either were not paying attention or simply were not capable of grasping the concept.

Unfortunately the 10% of management that fall into that category are the ones that leave the biggest impression. Realizing employees are both male and female; this book should be gender specific. However, it really gets to be a pain to always say he/she. It has been my experience that males have been more of a problem in management than the females (that could almost be a book topic in itself) so I will use the male gender. Generally speaking the quality of management in the work place today is what we expect and is capable of producing maximum output from the best workers under the best conditions. Telling stories about that type of management would really be boring. This book is not about those people. This book specializes in the other side of management.

In the beginning

Manage: to handle or direct with a degree of skill

In the beginning there was heaven on earth. Then there was a big change. Because two people could not follow a simple directive, another existence was introduced. The population explosion began and not long after that it became obvious that another layer of existence was needed. And thus the term management was introduced. This was supposed to be a means by which gifted individuals could direct the activities of others to achieve maximum success for whatever their assigned tasks. Shortly after the introduction of management, employees sitting around the rock pile at the campfire began to question some of the management techniques encountered.

Today, at least 6,000 years later, we find a lot of the same questions are still being asked. Management has always been a lively topic of discussion in almost every setting including work, bars, schools, home, and even churches. The discussions often include at least one occurrence of “Well, I’ll tell you what, if I was in charge….” Many employees who operate at one step below the lowest level of management (grunts) will agree that management could use a little refinement. However, some management people seem to have come from a different gene pool. How can management improve if they are not aware a problem exists?

The sequence of topics presented here offers no logical pattern because there is no logic to the problem. Some of the topics could go on forever but we don’t have forever.

The purpose of this book is to enlighten, entertain, and hopefully alert managers that a better life can exist in the work place. If the book appears to be just a bunch of random babbling, just pretend I’m your manager.

The management skills in question in this book are found in every type of business including manufacturing, office work, military, schools, government, and hospitals. The only workers today that can escape the torment of mismanagement are those that are self-employed. For the rest of you, read on and let’s have a few laughs together (what else can you do?)

My boss is an idiot

It is surprising how many managers are out there that are, simply put, stupid…his head is there primarily to keep the rain out of his neck. I know it is difficult to describe common sense but whatever it is, it is the opposite of what this guy has.

“My boss is an idiot!” was the most common complaint I heard while collecting data for this book. This places him in one of the following categories; One, He actually is a complete idiot; Two, as a manager he is an idiot; Three, he lacks skills in the area he is supervising. Ok, it could be all three.

As a hard working, caring employee, it is difficult to work for an idiot. You may have to produce a substandard product because of his management skills. You may have to produce a product that costs more than needed, or produce a product with a higher level of difficulty because the idiot refuses to accept your suggestions. You may find that just attempting to talk to him requires you to wind down your IQ a bit.

This job site is really hard on the moral because so often the manager actually believes he is on top of his game. Now you still have to get the job done the right way and somehow let him feel as though you did it his way. You have to wonder how they got into management but that will be discussed in other chapters.

Manager? How did that happen?

One very hot topic in the break-room discussions is: How could anyone promote this idiot? There are a variety of ways to slide into a manager position other than the normal “because he is well qualified” method. Of course there are those managers that will or should go to the top. Our discussion, however, is on those that reach their level of incompetence.

The Peter Principle

The Peter Principle states that every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. So employees are promoted until they reach a level where they don’t belong. Isn’t that comforting? Then what?

Who decides when they reach that level? How often have you heard of management going back one notch? Well ok, the military, but the reduction in grade is usually due to an event rather than lack of performance.

Advancement by vacuum

This situation is created when a current management individual dies, quits, retires, or gets fired. Now we have a void, or vacuum. Naturally the next in line is a prime candidate to fill the position or vacuum. Management is not aware, or doesn’t care, that this moron just went along for the ride and his manager did all the work. Everything was accomplished in spite of this manager-to-be. This situation ties in heavily with the Peter Principle mentioned above.

What else can we do with him?

The next-in-line candidate may have reached his current level just because management doesn’t know what else to do with him. He may have been there forever. Now his current job has been eliminated. Management realizes he doesn’t have much to offer so they put him in charge of something that will run efficiently no matter who is in charge.

Manager…college says so

He may have been hired because he has a college degree and it really doesn’t matter that it’s a degree in Theater Arts. Whatever! There is a possibility that this new candidate just doesn’t pack the gear. Management doesn’t want to dump him because he really is smart.

I’m not aware of any businesses that offer remedial training if a manager goes belly up in their new position. This is just a case where the grunts have to suck it up and deal with it until management brilliance once again shines through the haze of confusion.

How many vice Presidents do we need?

I guess the title of Vice President is about as powerful as the average manager can hope to achieve in their lifetime. With that title the world is yours. People from all walks of life…well at least those within your division anxiously await new direction, attitude adjustment, words of wisdom from this powerful office. Sometimes top management has to do some creative organizational magic to provide strategic openings for all the mental horsepower available. Hopefully the grunts can appreciate top management efforts.

With all the Vice Presidents available, one can only imagine the intense direction provided for those at the grunt level. No longer do we have to walk aimlessly about. From the minute you enter the facility you will be guided through the perils of human relations, environmental issues, personal financial issues, production, quality control, mental health, and safety. At this point, from the time that you enter the building, the only thing you have to do by yourself is breathe.

The levels of management usually don’t impact the grunt level. However, ever so often it seems to appear as though the levels of management are stumbling over each other in an attempt to get proper direction to the grunt level. This may be attributed to a new idea developed at a higher level and fear of loss of recognition as it trickles down the ranks.

This is a good thing for a bad idea but if the idea should actually be something worthwhile we need bands playing, banners posted, notices in the mailboxes, etc. It is essential to receive full credit when a display of wisdom is observed on the move up the ladder of command.

Education vs. intelligence

I have more college education than the average person on the street so I feel qualified to speak my piece. Education as it relates to management requires that we go back almost to the beginning of time.

Shortly after the beginning of time, people would sit on a rock pile around a campfire and have a B.S. session about the world in general. During those days there wasn’t a lot to talk about except what happened during the day. As time went on, someone eventually got to be the one with the most experiences and was given authority to preface statements with “I remember when…”

As even more time went by, this senior level person had so much experience that he could talk to the newbie’s and give them advice on how to avoid the mistakes that he had made. Some of these seniors finally had so much experience that people actually paid them to hear of their experiences.

These seniors however didn’t quite have a plate full of technical stuff to pass on so they decided to add a little of life in general to fill out the sessions. These individuals had been through a lot by this time so it was easy stuff to come up with. Most of it was just one notch above the general B.S. that the group was used to hearing but because it was being offered by people with much more experience, it was accepted as profound knowledge.

Since these people with the most experience were now accepted as pillars of knowledge, people would assemble from faraway places, even across town, to assemble into groups to absorb this knowledge. In addition to information on how to perform daily tasks, these lucky people were also given additional knowledge on subjects such as philosophy, great books, music, and theater. Since there was no specific theme to this education it was simply referred to as general education.

Shortly thereafter, training in athletic events was thrown into the mix. Students that finished all of these courses were said to have a well rounded background. Students found it difficult to pronounce educator because it has four syllables so the title was switched to teacher. And so began education as we know it today.

It is amazing how curriculum developed 6,000 years ago still remains today’s standard. Many leaders of today have taken Philosophy 101 and the results are clearly evident… well maybe not right now, but I’m sure it will show up. Some of the Great Books that are required reading in today’s classrooms are the same ones (different binding) that made the rock pile collection mentioned earlier.

I think the problem is that past graduates had to go through it (Gen Ed) so there would really be some hard feelings if newbies didn’t have to take it. Couple that with the fact that all college management people are fine examples of Gen Ed graduates.

It’s kinda like a young person sending in a cereal box top and $3.00 to get an official set of U.S. Marine Corps dog tags and an official DD214 showing active service complete. That would be so very sad to know they never enjoyed the bond between the boot and his Drill Instructor. The same is true with a college graduate that never had the opportunity to absorb the knowledge in the Gen Ed classes. So in the end, tradition overwhelms logical thinking and education continues as it has since time began.

Now let’s take a different approach to Gen Ed as it applies to Management. Let’s suppose the following courses were added, at the very least electives.

1. Electricity/Electronics 101

2. Plumbing/Heating & Air Conditioning 101

3. Shop Tools 101

4. Basic automotive/Small engine repair 101

5. Home maintenance 101

6. Home financial management 101

There may be some of these already in existence, but what if they were universal? Imagine a manager in a manufacturing operation that knew what a circuit breaker was or keyless chuck or the consequences of a dirty air filter. Do you think budget requests would be viewed in a slightly different perspective?

In the world of education (teaching), taking additional classes has a significantly different effect. If you play the education game to the maximum, you can reach the highest degree level (Doctorate). At this level, you now have undisputed knowledge. No one except those with the same rank have the authority to challenge your wisdom. You also have the authority to plan a new course of action, determine policy, and evaluate all others.

An individual with a Doctorate (PhD) in a management area has somewhat of a handicap and that is the inability to demonstrate their level of expertise. In the technical areas (electronics, physics, chemistry, medicine, etc.) it is relatively simply to demonstrate above average knowledge. What can a management PhD do to demonstrate his knowledge level? Well at that level, you can change the name of the business, take total control of the Mission/Vision statement, change the school mascot, and even change the school colors!

Battlefield commands made by non-combatants

This is an area that catches a lot of attention in the world of mismanagement. The selection process to fill the management positions has been described in another section. The impact on the grunts has some interesting effects.

The management positions which appear to be appointed by education level only is something that grunts frequently enjoy discussing. All of the hours in the classroom discussing philosophy, great books, sociology, etc. certainly provide a greater depth of management knowledge. From their first appearance on the shop floor, one can immediately feel a better sense of direction.

Usually when someone works their way up through the ranks, they are well received by the grunts. This type of individual probably has demonstrated some management potential to be placed into that position. This individual also has a good understanding of the services or products provided to the customer.

However, this type of credentials doesn’t always meet the requested profile. Sometimes this type of individual just doesn’t fit in with the academic-only type manager groups. Having the grunts stand-by while the management people decide who really gets to make the decision frequently causes repeat expressions of I love my job…I love my job…

Probably one of the most respected moves into management is the arrival of a family member. Perhaps a new son-in-law just finished his degree in Music and is now ready to tackle the world of manufacturing. The first thought from the grunts is: “How come our section got selected to be led by this bozo?” It can only be one of two reasons. One, we are so extremely self-sufficient that a manager is in name only, or two, it’s so whacked up that he couldn’t screw it up any worse than it is.

A family member in charge also eliminates any negative words or complaints to higher management. Imagine telling the vice-president that his son is a moron! Any grunt will tell you life is not good when you are continually trying to cover-up, fix, or bypass to allow the family member manager to succeed. Most of the time the situation will correct itself but you can only hope the business can survive until then.

Authority

Who appointed YOU as my boss?

Every once in a while someone will slip into a position of authority without anyone knowing about it. An example could be: “Well Mary, I’m going on vacation next week for a few days and I’d like you to keep an eye on things for me.” To minimize problems, none of the other employees have been told. Now we have a secret manager. The range of authority is in an as needed category which is bad because the secret manager makes the decision. This is not a good situation. It is much worse when the grunts are not notified that there has been a temporary change in management.

The secret manager could develop a personality much like an animal that tasted raw blood for the first time. The secret manager could develop a taste for this management thing and even though there is no immediate permanent opportunity, the pattern has been set. Now we have a grunt with a twisted mind.

You want me to do WHAT?

This could also be titled: Life without a job description. A sudden appointment to a new task could have several negatives. One, that is a job that I’m not trained in and I feel like I’m getting set up for failure. Two, it could be a really rotten job that I’ve already done my time in. Three, why can’t I just keep doing what I like and what I’m good at?

Getting set up for failure is a sinking feeling that we’d all like to avoid. An example could be an employee that has demonstrated above average skill with manual tasks. The employee then is assigned a task involving computer skills. Even though the computer skills involved are considered to be within a high school level, the employee for whatever reason has never been comfortable with it. Failing at this task or any task has never been an option for this employee.

We now have a lose-lose situation. The employee loses his confidence and pride for failure to complete at the level expected. The management now changes their view from an employee that consistently produces above average to a loser. I guess the answer here is to always gear towards one notch below the Peter Principle. Instead of rising to the level where incompetence begins, allow the employee to rise to their highest level of achievement.

Assigning a less than desirable task to an employee that has already been there-done that really takes a toll. I’m sure everyone can think of situations at all levels of employment that qualify. For example, a senior mechanic ordered to empty grease pits, a veteran soldier ordered to empty portable poop houses, and the list goes on. These tasks are usually considered punishment for being naughty but for some reason they get assigned to good people all too often.

One extreme personal example comes to mind. One Sunday morning while serving my country, I was asked to do a police detail which normally means a little cleaning up. Well we all have to do our share so I leaped into action. Four of us were given buckets and taken to the front gate of the Marine Corps Recruit Depot, San Diego, Ca. Two people were assigned to each side of the fence and we cleaned up all the trash around the entire fence line surrounding the entire base! This was not a small task!

I did not have enough stripes to challenge the task so I had to accept the management decision. Several days later we discovered the management person in charge didn’t quite get it right. He was supposed to go to the brig (military prison) and get some more willing employees to complete this task!

Workload balance

This subject deals with equal work for equal pay. This subject does not require a lot of research to find examples. How many times have you, or someone you know, been assigned more work, or more difficult work, for the same pay as the person next to you? It’s almost universal to find at least one person in each work place that is getting the same money as you, goes home with zero stress, does only those tasks that result in management atta-boys, is able to look overloaded at the appropriate time, and maintains a key-employee status.

Because of exceptional skills, some employees produce more than expected. Management then over time expects that to be the normal expected production level. These employees take a lot of pride in their work and so continue to produce above average without complaint. However it is extremely difficult to accept another employee slacker that is able to appear to be producing the same output. This slacker is either able to partially utilize the production of the other employees to their benefit or rely on polishing their few atta-boy routines.

You would think management would eventually become aware of the slacker status. It could be ignored for a variety of reasons. You can enter the slacker world through the use of several options. For whatever its worth, sexual attraction is here to stay. You can also try laughing at the stupid jokes, and even ask for more! What if your family just happens to own a cabin on prime hunting ground and your boss is an avid hunter? What if you had exceptional carpentry skills and the boss was remodeling….or the boss’s bowling team really sucks and you happen to be an above average bowler?

Another method for shifting the workload balance your way could be implying above average intelligence. Always agree with management ideas regardless of the moron that originated it. Anytime you do something good, make sure you let management know they were responsible. Whenever possible, tell other managers about your manager’s successes, but only when your manager is close by. Following these rules could put you into position where workload balance is no longer an issue.

If it ain’t broke, why are we fixing it?

How many times have we heard If it ain’t broke, why are we fixing it? One of the marks of a good manager is to get the employees to perform their task willingly. This is very difficult to do while we are in the process of fixing something that ain’t broke. This is the case of a normal daily routine, building site, staffing, or whatever that has worked well over a period of time and for reasons beyond our grasp, is suddenly discontinued or changed.

One of the first examples that come to mind is a major U.S. manufacturer that had a product that was well received by the buying public for about 15 years. Suddenly someone decided to quit making it! Their entire remaining product line at the time was in a world of hurt and they dumped the best one!

It’s easy to understand if a product is a loser and you expect changes to correct it. It’s when everything appears to be on course and management makes a decision to change it that qualifies it for discussion here. There are two different aspects to this fixing the not broke thing.

One is changing something that we have gotten used to, works well, and find no reason whatsoever to change it. The second is the money spent to finance the change. At budget meetings everyone is wheeling and dealing to find the money to pay for obvious necessities. Having to pay to fix something not broke really makes for a bad day.

Sometimes a change has to be made to justify a new management position. This person has received the rank but nobody notices. Now this manager will have to do something that everybody will notice. So within his appointed horsepower he changes something, not because it needed changing, but because he has the power to do it. All of the changes listed below could fall into that category.

Let’s change the name

One of the most effective methods for new management to demonstrate power and brilliance is to change the name of the business, especially a school. Since changing the name of a school has impact on possibly thousands of people, the impact is profound.

This reminds me of a new college president that just had to do something to show we are now really on the move. The existing school name easily flowed off the lips, had been around for years, was easily recognized by anybody interested in recognizing it, had thousands of pieces of wearing apparel with the name on it, and had a reasonable amount of pride connected to it. It was obvious this school name needed to be changed.

Changing the name require a lot of thought and planning. Obviously we have to appoint an executive committee to solicit the name choices, the impact on existing business, final name selection, etc. This could provide long-term duty for a manager until they find some real work for him.

Changing the name of any business is extremely expensive. If your business has significant computer usage, every piece of software that prints has to be changed to reflect the new name. Every existing piece of pre-printed paper (checks, invoices, transcripts, etc.) has to be trashed. Keep in mind these forms are almost always bought in volume to reduce costs.

If your school or business has outside advertising (billboards, yellow pages, web sites, etc.), lets subtract money from the operating expenses to change those also. The list goes on and on but the point is that it’s taking money that could have been spent much better in the daily operations of the business. In my humble opinion this is an excellent example of fixing something that ain’t broke.

Let’s change the facilities

And so it was that management decided the facilities need a fresh look to stay competitive. Management can make that claim because no one has the horsepower to challenge them. The fact that the facilities received a complete upgrade just four years ago does not need to be brought into the discussion.

Its also soothing when we ask management: “why are we doing this”, and they reply, “it’s in the budget…use it or lose it.” However it is a little difficult to understand when the copy machine is broke two out of three days, the bearings are out on my drill press, its so cold in the shop my fingers are numb and you are remodeling the front office. Management of course will reply that it’s important to have a professional appearance, even though the only outside people that have access to the facilities are the maintenance people. I mean, come on, we’re a branch office and not open to the public! And of course those of us that have an I.Q. higher than a rock will always be asking ourselves what was wrong with the way it was?

I think one of the most exciting facility changes you can make is a change in parking. Getting a reserved parking spot is one of the highest awards a manager can receive. To see their name permanently printed on a sign for the entire world to see can drive one into an orgasmic frenzy.

Of course each new parking assignment causes one more unofficial assignment into the overflow parking area (3 blocks away). It makes it even more exciting for the grunts when you realize that the new reserved parking spot is for someone that is only there two days a week. Even though the existing parking routine has worked well for quite a while, it’s obvious a change here will put new life into the daily work routine.

It seems that changes that have direct impact on all employees usually work best if you don’t ask, or at least ignore, input from the employees. That way you aren’t confused with facts and you can just do what’s right.

Downsizing/changing

One of the most interesting displays of management power is fixing the staffing problem. Maybe you weren’t aware that staffing needed to be fixed but that’s probably why you are not part of management. Staffing could be changing, deleting, or adding personnel. Downsizing is the most feared word in industry. The impact depends entirely on whether you are the “Downsizer” or the “Downsize.” Deleting personnel, otherwise known as Downsizing, can be a real challenge to the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it concept.” Removing people from highly productive positions for whatever reason usually draws a solid round of “What the ” from the troops.

Downsizing sometimes creates more questions than answers. Why is it that so often the downsizing only applies to the grunts? Why is it that those that decide how many workers to dump also get the big bonuses for their efforts?

Changing also sometimes involves changing leadership rather than grunt positions. Suppose you have been working with an excellent manager for a long time and then top management decides to make a switch. The new manager has some questionable skills and has been known to play Solitaire for cash. Employees in this environment frequently are found with a calculator counting the days until retirement.

Adding personnel for unknown reasons has the capability of ruffling some feathers also. An example that comes to mind is a real estate office. The real estate office is well aware of the current decline in the housing market. Suddenly one day the word comes down that there will be an additional agent. The owner’s kid just got out of rehab and just needs a place to prove himself. Luckily the other agents have already researched the qualifications for welfare and are prepared.

If current staffing shows reasonable success, how come we need more people? Is this management’s way of telling us there is a slacker among us and soon there will be a change? Is there a new increase in workload that nobody is aware of? Is management considering moving somebody from our group up to a higher level and there is now an effort to fill the void? All we know at this point is that as far as we know it ain’t broke so it doesn’t need fixing.

Daily Routines

Probably one of the most difficult changes to accept is the daily activity routine that has been in place for quite a while. This one really challenges the “If it ain’t broke….why are we fixing it?” For example, this type of change could include a change in shift time or break time. Those that have followed the same routine for a long time would really be upset. If the change involves breaking up the old gang that normally meets for morning coffee, management might want to look at plans for riot control. These changes most often are initiated by those with higher academic skills. I think what makes the change even more exciting is the person initiating the change has never been in the trenches but because of superior intelligence is able to detect a flaw in our current system.

Product lines

I think most people don’t necessarily look forward to change but accept it as a normal part of life. Therefore when a new product is introduced most employees welcome the change as a breath of new life. It’s when we stop producing a known winner that again brings out the” if it ain’t broke why are we fixing it? “Referring back to the major manufacturer mentioned earlier, a product had been well received by the buying public, was still at the top of the heap, and they trashed it!

You could almost understand it if another product was up and coming with good response from the buying public and they needed the facilities to produce it. However in this case, there were no other sparklers…nothing that said “standby America, you ain’t going to believe this!”

What makes this topic so vital is realizing that as long as we have a selling product, I have a job. Otherwise I can honestly say, it’s been mighty lonesome in the saddle since my horse died.

The last item to mention on the topic of change is probably the most important. When daily routines are changed it requires significant time and effort from management to design and implement these changes. Thus we now have a purpose, or more simply put, something to do for that management individual.

Termination…treated like a convict

Giving an employee the boot would challenge most managers skills. There are generally two reasons for terminating an employee. One, he just doesn’t fit into the scheme of things anymore. Two, he’s been naughty. Either way we get to see the manager at his best.

If the employee just doesn’t fit into the scheme of things anymore (budget cut, replaced by technology, etc.), management could treat this veteran employee with the respect he deserves. The exit process should be as least painful as possible. If the decision to terminate an employee has been made, does it really have to be made as they walk out the door for Christmas break? If he’s been naughty, who gives a rats what they do with him?

However, all too often both situations are treated the same. Why should a victim of budget cuts be treated like a convict? The employee is accompanied by one or more management members to his workplace and under the close supervision, removes his personal items. Of course this has to be completed during normal business hours so the other employees get to watch. The employee had no idea this was coming and is in partial state of shock, and now has to figure out how to face all his co-workers and friends, all while under the close eye of the “give ’em the boot” team. Co-workers get to watch as he slowly packs away the picture of his family, radio, and all his personal items in the desk drawer. This is especially exciting because at this time no one else has any idea of what’s going on. They don’t know if he is in the “doesn’t fit into the scheme of things anymore” category or naughty category.

I realize there is a remote possibility that some nut case would try to sabotage his computer or steal some valuable material if unaccompanied. However if all terminated employees have to be treated as convicts, they could work on reducing the embarrassment and additional emotional stress, especially for those that have given their very best for so many years.

Meetings

No discussion of management is complete without allocating a significant amount of time for the topic of meetings. This topic by far is my favorite and could almost become a book in itself. Meetings provide an opportunity to inform and invite discussion. In addition, some employees may get a feeling of success for the first time because they are finally important enough to be included in the meeting! The feeling is somewhat similar to a famous actor who played in one of the best comedy movies ever produced. He thought he was somebody really important when he finally found his name in the phone book! The same feeling can be experienced here. You have finally jumped beyond the bottom step of the ladder!

However, there is another view on meetings. Consider the following announcement:

Notice to all employees. There will be a mandatory meeting, Saturday, July 2. This will allow minimum interruption of our normal Mon-Fri work week. The topic will be: Sex Equity. The meeting will begin at 7:00 A.M. Sharp. Please be on time to insure that we can complete the 4 hour session within the time allocated.

There are a number of things here that make you wonder if random drug testing wouldn’t be a good thing for this management.

Scheduled time

Meetings are not necessarily a favorite past time for the grunts. Therefore the timing for the meetings is really important. Consider the meeting announcement above. Sometimes you have to wonder if management had their solar panels aimed at the moon when they decided on the time for this.

The choice of Saturday would certainly generate some interesting comments. Saturday is considered almost sacred for a lot of working people. That day is reserved for outdoor sports activities, yard work, etc. Even though the employees will be paid for their time at the meeting, if given an option, I would not be concerned about traffic control in the parking lot.

Now let’s add the time of the meeting to the discussion. The time of 7:00 on a day off would bring out the best in even the most timid employee. That may be extreme but let’s consider some that are just as much of a pain but are not considered extreme. How about 3:00 on Friday afternoon? The only way that would ever be accepted with any degree of enthusiasm is if they served free beer.

The day of the week is also an important consideration. Trying to do anything critical on Friday afternoon is always a risk. Trying to force knowledge into somebody’s brain is like going into battle without a gun….we lose.

Friday afternoons are a struggle to get through doing normal repetitive stuff. Having employees really upset before the meeting even starts will not qualify you for the manager of the week award.

The calendar date is as important as the time or day of the week. Scheduling a meeting just prior to a long holiday week-end as in the example above is nuts. Interest level would be below zero and resentment factor would be maximum.

There is one benefit to scheduling a meeting just prior to a long holiday week-end and that is it feels so good when it’s over. It’s very similar to repeatedly hitting yourself in the head with a hammer because it feels so good to stop.

Laws and management directives dictate that some topics of little interest must be offered to all employees, such as Sex Equity in the example above. I think everyone understands that. It is very difficult to understand why management would pour salt on the wound. Timing of meetings with very low interest is a very important consideration.

Presentation Method

How the information is presented is also very important. Utilizing an overhead projection of some type is always effective, especially when it’s an exact copy of very small print and the presenter reads every word. The group really gets excited when the presenter has been blessed with an incredible monotone voice. It’s hard to believe that an adult would actually find it interesting to count the number of floor tiles during this presentation.

No discussion of meetings would be complete without discussing breaking up into small groups and brainstorming. As an ex-teacher I can tell you from experience that this is an excellent method of filling time without much effort or pre-planning. The group moderator simply gets to walk around and attempt to keep the groups on track.

Going back to our original example which had a topic of Sex Equity, imagine breaking into groups and listing as many reasons as possible why you like being male or female…on a Saturday morning….the start of a long holiday weekend….at 7:00 in the morning.

Sometimes to offer better substance in the meetings, management will hire outside experts to present the topic. The experts then must present a “this is really good stuff attitude” and hope that it will rub off on the grunts in attendance. However those in attendance usually look at the expert as someone from a different planet.

The small groups often will introduce a topic of their own which is much more interesting. This generally causes audible laughing. This then alerts the moderator to intervene because the assigned subject is boring beyond belief and is impossible to generate any visible sign of interest.

After the allotted time for the brainstorming, the group is re-assembled. Now we get to hear the spokesperson from each group offer their brainstorming ideas. The moderator writes each item on some device visible to all.

After each group has had a chance to offer their input, the moderator summarizes the common elements onto the writing device. The moderator then solicits rebuttal from the entire group. Finally the moderator summarizes the brainstorming, which is usually just a repeat of what was just said.

Using this group brainstorming technique, as a manager you can easily consume all the time allowed with very little preparation. At the end of the meeting, the moderator, or topic expert, is given a round of applause, management takes a bow, everybody returns to normal life, and management can record another well done.

When a meeting is called and interest is somewhat less than maximum, you need something to really get it going at the start. One real popular technique is to have each person get up and tell us a little about yourself. This has the most effect when the majority of those in attendance already have been working together for a years. It is also very much appreciated when there is a large group so time consumed for this part of the meeting is maximum.

This is an excellent method to help insure we can fill the entire four hours. The employees also enjoy hearing about fellow team members, especially those that have worked together for years. If you join this personal introductions with the group brainstorming mentioned above, you will have no problem filling the allotted time.

For those that work in sales, the topic of meetings takes on a little different flavor. You are paid on commission only, so there is no wage offered for attending this meeting. Of course the meeting is scheduled for a date, time, and place which just fits your schedule… (is that possible?). The estimated length of the meeting should be less than four hours.

Content

Let’s assume the meeting is scheduled for a reasonable time. That would be with full pay sometime during our normal work shift where critical production is not interrupted. We still have the topic of content to look at.

Handing out a meeting agenda is really a nice gesture from management. That provides all in attendance a means to check-off and estimate the time that you’ll get out of there. It’s very similar to going to a dance recital. The agenda also provides material for doodling and whatever else creative comes to mind.

Another option for meeting content is a meeting designed to allow management to straighten out the troops. This is a perfect time to let everyone know that employee X made a mistake and it cost the company a lot of money. This is obviously not the time to alert management that you were not the one responsible or there were multiple people involved.

It could also be a meeting to adjust moral, like the lack of productivity…. we need to kick it up a notch. You could even throw in a slackers will not be tolerated threat to maximize the intensity. People in attendance at this type of meeting normally become highly motivated and can’t wait to return to work.

Why are we having this meeting?

I’m absolutely certain that everyone reading this has been to at least one meeting in their lifetime that forces the question why didn’t you just send us an e-mail or put it in the notice book or our mailbox?

There is no question managers need to make their presence known, especially when their responsibilities are the boring behind the scenes subjects such as OSHA, safety, Hazmat, etc. Calling a meeting lets everyone know there is still a voice of authority lurking out there and its time to take notice.

Then there are the regularly scheduled meetings. This is the type that meets every quarter, month, or whatever. These meetings happen even if there is no agenda. The attempt here is to keep the group informed, which is a good thing. However, it is somewhat difficult to keep the group informed about nothing.

Length

Meetings are not a universal pass time. The length of time requested from those in attendance may well set the moral level for the duration of the meeting. Imagine arriving at a scheduled four hour meeting. The individual in charge of the meeting then tells you something like: “let’s try to stick to the agenda so we can get you out of here in four hours.” Your moral drops into your shoes. Any hope of getting out early is dashed against the rocks. Survival demands at least a glimmer of hope that it will end early. To state up front that there is no chance of an early out is barbaric, inhumane, and may require an extra beverage of choice when it ends.

The length of the meeting should always be as short as possible. However, since we are still members of the human race, a relatively short meeting will also bring comments such as “They called us together for that?”

Use of Keywords

There are always keywords that management can use that add to the enthusiasm of the get-together. The first one that comes to mind is strategic. Using this word automatically implies the meeting was called by a top level manager or at least one that is hoping to be really important someday. It also implies critical decision making will be involved. The critical part could be who’s bringing the doughnuts? or even more critical,” Who is going to pay for the doughnuts?”

I think there is a self-satisfying element in including the word “strategic” in announcing the upcoming meeting. It automatically implies a meeting well above the normal B.S. sessions. It also demonstrates individual horsepower to be able to label a meeting strategic. This meeting certainly will require your best thinking.

A really smart manager will read Readers Digest the night before and pick up on a few new words. You can use them frequently during the meeting and look at your audience as though your command of the English language is just one of your many above average attributes. You can continue to use the new words throughout the meeting even though your audience (and possibly you) doesn’t have a clue of what the word means. You want to make certain they know that you made good use of your five years of high school.

I have a good friend that is currently a manager. The day before a high level management meeting she decided to make up a word just to add a little higher interest to the meeting. The word she decided on was “Repluticate.” She used the word numerous times during the meeting. She never once received an unusual stare or questionable look. This indicates everyone was brain-dead, no one had any interest in the topic, or no one wanted to admit that they didn’t have a clue as to what she had to say.

Some other good choices for keywords that come to mind are Paradigm, Pragmatic, cognitive, psychomotor, bandwidth, mitigate, and empirical. A really good manager must always be up on the newest buzzwords also. The ultimate goal is to present the latest buzzword before the audience even heard of it. Now it becomes clearly evident that you are a man of the world. You are in the forefront, a man of wisdom, vision,….yada….yada….yada.

Location

If any of the previous topics on meetings apply, the location of the meeting can really be interesting. If you happen to be a member of a large corporation with operations in several states or more, calling a meeting gets much more serious. You may have to re-arrange your work schedule, re-arrange your personal life schedule, arrange transportation and lodging, budget the expense, and then discover the meeting content could easily have been covered over the phone or with e-mails.

This is an ideal method for a manager to really exercise authority. To be able to call in personnel from all over the area or just be able to say I’ve got my people coming in today is way above the thrill of having your own parking spot next to the front door.

Teleconference

Many of the problems addressed above can be eliminated or minimized by a teleconference meeting. Here everyone is in their normal workplace with minimum interruption in normal operations. This is a great opportunity for a manager to demonstrate extreme control. If the manager arranged the meeting for 9:00 A.M., getting on-line himself at 9:10 allows the feeling of the whole world is waiting for ME. The grunts also get the feeling of an extremely important individual graciously freeing up some of his time to share with them.

The timing of the teleconference is also an interesting subject. One large corporation plans their teleconference during the employees lunch break because that’s when they most likely will be available. Lunch breaks normally provide an opportunity to eat your lunch and to temporarily get away from it all. So now we have a group of employees that will not get away from it all but still have to eat. Because of the fact that all the employees are at their work stations attempting to both eat and stay involved in the teleconference, everyone is treated to the sounds of eating crispy chips, opening pop cans, burping, clickity-clack of typing emails, etc. Technology is a good thing but they are still human beings.

Decision making

The most common unpleasant decisions are those dealing with personnel. As a manager it is difficult to be put into a position that requires notification of termination of employment, especially when the employee performance has nothing to do with it. It is also difficult for an employee when they know termination is possibly on the horizon. If conditions mandate that some positions must be eliminated, as unpleasant as it is, the employees need to know ASAP.

The term re-organization really gets our attention. Top management has moved in and is now set to do something that will alert everyone that we now have a new direction. The grunts are certain the most effective reorganization measures are to dump excessive management.

Management on the other hand will concentrate on those employees considered dead-weight, anchors, or low production type people. The grunts know for certain because of the economic climate that there will be some empty chairs. It is extremely difficult to maintain while waiting for management to make the final re-organization decision. Rumors are running wild. Should I start looking now?

How bad will the personnel cuts be? Even if I make the cut, will I be able to absorb the workload of the departed? Will the cuts affect our production so the economic climate will only get worse? Who will be my new boss? WE NEED A DECISION!

When is it going to start?

A common problem in management is the lack of ability to make a decision. We often hear that I’d rather see a wrong decision than no decision at all. Some decisions are not pleasant.

There are decisions to be made on new equipment, health insurance, facilities, shift times, etc. These decisions have a serious impact on the average grunt working in the trenches. Having management sit on them for an extended period of time, or forever, has an impact that is difficult to accept. There are decisions to be made everyday and that’s why we have people making the big money. All we ask is get ‘er done.

Would you be interested in any input from the grunts?

I actually do have a brain

Although decision making is primarily a management function, input from the end users sometime can actually be beneficial. There are two reasons to allow input from the grunts on decisions at the ground level operations. One, the grunts would feel good because they have had a say, good or bad. Two, it might even be a good idea!

Not allowing input from the grunts can have multiple negatives. If the decision goes bad, it’s exactly what the grunts expected. Management has now taken on a less than superior image which is going to be difficult to erase. If the decision does work, the grunts just assume that’s what management gets paid the big bucks for.

It is true that management gets paid the big bucks to make the big decisions. I’m just suggesting input from the grunts on a decision to be made may not be a bad thing. The manager still gets full credit. The grunts will be supportive. Everybody is happy. Happy is a good thing.

Lacking the support from the grunts can be a disaster for a manager. There are many examples of new decisions gone badly because the grunts didn’t want it to work. Even if it is a good idea it’s going to be an uphill battle if the new plan was just dumped on them. Change is inevitable. Coming from a moron is unacceptable.

I recently was made aware of a suggestion from a grunt that would have saved the company many thousands of dollars. The idea was never allowed to be entered into the official channels because they have engineers and other professional people to manage that. Imagine the response from the grunts whenever this team of professionals makes decisions.

I’ve been doing this longer than you have!

This is a tough obstacle to overcome for management. Having a decision made on operations which have been on-going for a long time is going to be difficult to justify. There are some employees that are creative and love their job. These same people often offer suggestions to improve production, improve quality, improve safety, improve profit margins, and improve moral. Ignoring the experience of these employees is very difficult to understand.

Would the new whiz kid manager be interested in knowing that idea was tried three years ago and was a complete flop? How about the new idea which could work if employee experience could add just a few minor changes. I guess at the very least you would expect management to carefully observe current operations and allow that to be used as part of the decision making process.

Fear of why didn ‘t I think of that

Management always seems to have that fear of a good idea coming from the grunt level. Now we have to find a way for the manager to get credit for the idea. There are several options here. One is to have the manager ignore the idea. Then wait a while and have the manager re-introduce it when he is sure he can get full credit. Another option is to go with it but add enough fluff to it so it looks like it came straight from management.

A pinnacle of success for every manager is to dream up an idea so profound that people from all around ask “why didn’t I think of that?” However, when that idea comes from the grunt level, bubbles are burst, egos are deflated, and organizational structure is challenged.

Ladder to success

Always agree

If movement up the ladder is your goal in life, there are some well established rules you must follow. Accepting wisdom from higher levels of management is a real plus. It does not matter if it actually is wisdom. You can accomplish this by accepting a new plan, modifying as needed to make it work, but keep enough of the original plan out in front to convince the author that management has succeeded. It is also highly recommended that you publicly give credit to the author, especially in the presence of high ranking management.

If you have an extreme desire to move up the ladder without a conscience, simply accept everything as is. This requires a strong mental attitude. This position is easier to accept if your grade point average didn’t make the deans list. Visions of management perks will keep you motivated and history points out there will likely be a place in management just waiting for you.

Management gets credit regardless of origin

Even if you as a grunt get an idea implemented, it has to go through proper channels. If it was a really good idea it would likely go up several steps in the management ladder. As the idea moves up the author becomes more obscure and we hear comments like: “Well, our department just came up with a good idea.” Then we hear: “Jim’s department just came up with a good idea.” Then we find it just easier to say: “Jim came up with a good idea.” I guess it just makes sense that if you came up with the idea and you work in Jim’s department that it was Jim’s idea. Grunts usually don’t get paid for ideas and certainly are not expected. Management has the right to pass on to the next level whatever they choose and in the format that they choose.

What else can I do for you?

This topic can generate a lot of discussion, especially with the help of appropriate beverages. This topic involves that segment of society that hope to succeed by disconnecting their brain and becoming a servant to the next in command.

Perhaps a better description of this employee would be one whose dominant facial features follow in close proximity to the posterior aspect of the gluteus maximus of the next in command. Ok, he’s a butt-kisser.

This type of person would not be the first to be offered a seat at the next grunt round table discussion of management. This person is on a mission. The attempted rise up the ladder will happen regardless of impact on fellow grunts. This person will never challenge a command. This person actually would be more likely to verbally praise intelligence demonstrated, regardless of the level, especially if other management is within range. Depending on current management, it is possible that this type of person may even exceed the Peter Principle level of competence.

Unfortunately an individual of this type would have a very difficult time if they ever did succeed moving up a notch on the management ladder. I think actually a lot of the grunts would enjoy the challenge of watching this individual get brought down to reality.

Communication

Content

Communications as discussed here can be information designated for one individual, information designated for a very specific group, or information available for the world (internet).

Information intended for one individual is almost always written as though both parties were talking face to face. There is usually no time spent with special wording, carefully selected terminology, abstract intent, etc. People usually just tell it like it is.

Next we move on to communication with a specific group. The real difference here is that all the recipients know who the author is. Now as a manager we have to kick it up a notch. If you have a college degree now is the time to demonstrate that intelligence level. Talking plain everyday English here is to be avoided. This level requires the same use of buzzwords as discussed in meetings.

An example here is an evaluation form that I once had the pleasure of filling out. The business agreed to become a training site for interns to gain real life work experience. At the end of each shift an evaluation form was to be completed by the employee responsible for the intern.

I read the evaluation form several times, looked up several words in the dictionary, and asked some co-workers to help decipher the form. Some of the words were used inappropriately and some required research on the definition. As so often happens, we just gave up and marked most of them with a medium range reply (multiple choice). It would be nice to say that we just didn’t have a high enough command of the English language to work with that form. But unfortunately it was the form designer that lacked the language skills. There was much more concern over trying to im